Welcome to week 7 of my notes from the couch. This week I am turning the table on myself and giving you a behind the scenes look at how I manage to run my practice, life, self-care and writing all while raising three kids! I have decided to write about this because it is a question that I am often asked, I hope you will enjoy!
Amanda is a single mom of two boys who comes in about once a month for what we call “check-ups.” I have been seeing her for a few years now and so she has, in many ways, seen me evolve. She has been through two of my pregnancies and maternity leaves and been following my writing. About four months ago, after I revealed my book cover and started sharing more videos on my professional Facebook feed, Amanda came in and said, “before we start today, I just have to know, how the hell do you do this all? I know you have at least two kids, you run this place, you’re on the news a lot and now a book?”
I knew this wasn’t going to be a time where I could give her a conservative therapist line, “so, it sounds like you are feeling uncertain (insert any emotion) right now…” or some version of that. We had a long-standing rapport and she was serious. Amanda is quite accomplished in her own right and insecurity about herself was not really an issue so I gave her enough of an answer to enable her to move on. I said something about having a tribe who helps me, loving what I do, and being far from on top of it all! She smiled at me and we got back to her issues.
But now that my debut book launches today, I am prepared to be asked this question by not only clients but other moms, reporters and other interested people. So, I figured I would share with you my truth.
Close to eight years ago I actually had the opportunity to have a 1:1 with Simon Sinek, author of Start With Why. Sitting at a table in Starbucks it became clear that my why is to create community. So, every day when I get up I express gratitude and get grounded in my why for the day.
In order for me to create community- whether among fellow therapists, clients or moms, I need a lot of help. I have learned to ask for and receive help. I also need to accept that some balls are going to drop and that is okay. Last week alone I forgot my son’s Valentine’s and also didn’t attend a pre-school party. Did I feel bad? Yes. But did I beat myself up all day? No (I only beat myself up for about half an hour!). I have parts of my life that are neat and pretty and some that aren’t. I run late, I forget some things and my laundry piles up too. But, the very most important things in my life take priority. I have embraced that my work is very important to me. My clients, my business, reading, learning, writing, volunteering, and contributing to important news stories energizes me. If that ever stops, I will stop.
Until then, my answer to the question of how is rooted in my why and I am truly grateful that I know what makes me tick and I am able to do it every day.