The Elephant In The Room
I often hear parents struggle with how to explain what is happening with their child to grandparents, neighbors, teachers and friends. October is ADHD awareness month so this month I decided I would discuss a different angle of ADHD- explaining it to others. I also had the pleasure to interview freelance journalist and mom of a child with ADHD Lydia Rueger Shoaf, author of Victor and the Vroom, a wonderful children's illustrated book on explaining ADHD to a child. Listen to our interview here.
How Do I Explain What's Going On?
Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder affecting over 6 million children each year. This is about 11% of American children according to the CDC. According to the ADD resource center, the average age of diagnosis is age 7, though symptoms typically appear between ages 3-6. Over the past decade, there has been an over 40% increase in ADHD diagnoses for both boys and girls.
Unfortunately, it often takes some pretty major meltdowns, frustrations, and disrupted social connections to understand and diagnose the problem. Boys are three times more likely to be diagnosed and to date about 13% of boys will be diagnosed with ADHD at some point throughout their lifetime.
Children diagnosed with ADHD often have co-existing conditions such as learning disabilities, conduct disorders, anxiety, depression and sleep disorders. These types of conditions can make school, academics, friendships, and family relationships very challenging. About seven out of ten children diagnosed with ADHD are on medication to help manage the impulsivity, concentration and attention issues that exist. Behavioral therapy is also highly recommended for these children to help learn social, organizational and impulse control skills.
Educating others about ADHD can be a very emotional process for parents. By the time a child has gotten to the point of diagnosis and treatment, they may have had significant challenges in pre-school, there may be strains within the siblings and family, they have likely lost or misplaced dozen of things and are constantly late or seemingly disorganized. However, because this is an "invisible" condition, they don't look different from other kids and are often judged as "bad or difficult." It can be both heartbreaking and highly frustrating at the same time.
So, when the time comes to talk about your son or daughter with others such as your in-laws, babysitters, or coaches it is important to keep these tips in mind:
1. Talk about it- many families are hesitant to tell their children and or others about the diagnosis. That usually only makes things harder. Tell them that there is a difference in their brain that makes it like a race car brain. But with the right maintenance, fuel, and brakes they will do great. If there is a co-morbid condition such as a learn disability explain that as well. Allow for questions, you may not have all of the answers but you can say that you aren't sure and that you will get back to them.
2. Planning is key- explain to others that strategies such as allowing extra time, proactive time-outs or breaks, low sugar, and high structure are key elements that make life much easier to manager with ADHD. Being clear with rules, boundaries and consistency are also things that once put into effect can make a big difference. Assure grandparents and other caregivers that the day will go much more smoothly if they can plan ahead.
3. There is a reason for medication- medicating a young child is something that some parents fear others will judge them for. However, getting comfortable telling people that there is a good reason for the medication- that it helps with attention and memory- just as glasses help with eye sight- is something that you want to practice. Taking the medication regularly, with food and as prescribed is something that all caregivers need to be on board with. If someone were to question you, you can assure them that you and the doctor are regularly monitoring the meds and that adjustments will be made as necessary.
The bottom line is that the more confident and comfortable you are with explaining what ADHD is and how it impacts your child the more likely others around you are to get comfortable as well. It is a brain based disorder that impacts behavior and therefore that can be tough but with some understanding, patience and planning your child will learn, be able to have friendships and get to do all the things they desire. And those around them will also get to be pros at consistency, planning and recognizing when breaks are needed.
Happy Parenting!